The Wrong Idea
by Gmariam
Summary: Jack has been back for a month and never heard of Morwen, yet his team rhapsodizes enthusiastically about her, leaving him feeling left out . When Ianto takes him to meet the beautiful stranger, Jack wonders just what they were all up to in his absence. Written for the birthday of Ianto Jones, but having nothing to do with birthdays, really.


The Wrong Idea

It was nine o'clock in the morning, one month after Jack had returned from his travels with the Doctor. While some part of him felt like he was truly back home, there was still a part of him that hadn't quite adjusted yet; the lingering realization that his team hadn't fallen apart, had soldiered on and even bonded while he had been gone was a strange thing to experience every time they seemed to get on without him.

Sometimes he still felt left out, and today looked to be one of those days.

"Where's Ianto?" Jack asked, stepping out of his office and finding Gwen and Tosh talking quietly on the sofa. They glanced up guiltily, as if caught gossiping, but didn't answer as the cog door rolled open and Ianto strolled in, arms laden with coffee and bags. The girls grinned brightly; Jack frowned.

"Good morning, sir," Ianto said, a broad grin on his face. He looked the same as he always did, only different. Relaxed. Happy. Almost radiant. Not normal then. Something was going on.

"You're late," said Jack, tucking his hands under his arms. Ianto paused and gave him a raised eyebrow.

"Is Owen in yet?" he asked.

"Not yet," said Tosh, and Ianto grinned again as he handed both Tosh and Gwen a cup of steaming hot coffee from one of the better cafés on the Quay.

"Then I'm not late, am I?"

"You're late for you," Jack pointed out as he came downstairs, knowing he sounded petulant but there was something different about Ianto that day, and he wanted to know what it was.

Ianto shrugged as he handed Jack a cup of his favorite coffee. Jack inhaled and tried to let it relax him, but he was too distracted.

"I had an appointment this morning," Ianto replied. Tosh and Gwen giggled from the sofa; so they knew something was going on, and they knew what it was. This was why Jack's instinct was screaming at him, why he felt out of the loop on whatever they were laughing about.

Jack set down his coffee, turned Ianto away from the grinning girls, and lowered his voice. "Is everything all right?" he asked, hoping he sounded concerned and not just sulky. "You seem a bit off."

"Everything's fine, Jack," Ianto answered in a normal voice as he pulled away. "And I feel great."

"That's how I felt last night," Gwen replied, and Tosh sighed with what sounded like envy.

"I won't feel like that until this afternoon."

"Okay, what's going on?" Jack demanded. "You're all acting a bit funny now. Ianto, where were you?"

"I told you, I had an appointment." Ianto pulled muffins from the bag for everyone, earning him a dazzling smile from Gwen and Tosh and another frown from Jack.

"With a baker and a barista?" he asked, and Ianto wiggled his eyebrows at him suggestively. Again, rather un-Ianto at that moment.

"With Morwen," said Gwen through a mouthful of blueberry muffin.

"Morwen," echoed Tosh, her eyes glazing over.

"Morwen," agreed Ianto, gazing off into the distance. Jack stared at them all.

"Who the hell is Morwen?" he asked. He did not like being left out. He did not like not knowing something. And he really did not like the idea of Ianto running off with someone named Morwen, not that he had any right to protest, as if he and Ianto had any sort of exclusive relationship at the moment. But then, he had asked the man out, and Ianto had said yes, and they'd finally had their first date so it hardly seemed appropriate for him to turn around and run off with another woman, did it? At least, that was how Jack understood 21st century dating ethics.

"Morwen's back?" asked Owen, entering at that moment. "Oh gods, I need to see her."

"She just got back into town," Ianto said cheerfully, handing Owen a coffee without a single smart remark. Owen didn't even snap at the Welshman. He shook his head almost mournfully instead.

"You lucky bastard. No wonder you're glowing."

"I saw her last night," Gwen piped up from the sofa. "Brilliant as ever and still a sweetheart."

"A gorgeous sweetheart," murmured Owen, and Jack was fairly sure Ianto smirked.

"Owen!" exclaimed Tosh. "How can you think of her that way. She's old enough to be your…your…"

"Great-great-great grandmother, I believe," said Ianto, moving toward his station. "But still a looker."

No one was paying any attention to Jack anymore. They were all wrapped up in memories of Morwen. Apparently his team was far more open than Jack had ever thought.

"Ianto, my office!" Jack barked, and he stomped away before they saw his frustration. He heard Ianto sigh behind him, Owen snicker, and Tosh offer a whispered good luck.

"He needs to see Morwen," said Gwen, loud enough for him to hear.

Ianto entered the office, likely noticed the look on Jack's face, and shut the door. "You're upset," he offered.

"I'm confused," said Jack. "Who's Morwen? Why does everyone know about her but me? And why…" He hesitated. "Why is everyone sleeping with her? But me?"

Ianto stared at him so blandly Jack wondered if the man had heard him. No raised eyebrow, no rolled eyes, not even another smirk. And then he finally began to nod. "You think Morwen is a prostitute."

"Either that or a very, very loose old lady," Jack almost sputtered. "You're all talking about her like it was the best sex of your life. You even look like you just had the best sex of your life."

There was the eyebrow, finally. "I don't remember anyone ever saying anything about sex, Jack."

Jack tried to point it out, but couldn't, since no one had. It was only his impression, and he just sputtered some more.

"I see. You're jealous," said Ianto. He dug his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. "Brilliant. You're actually jealous of an nice old woman who happens to be an alien."

"A what?"

A slow grin began to spread across Ianto's face. "Morwen fell through the Rift about four months ago. She wanted to stay, so we set her up with an identity, got her on her feet. She comes by every so often to check in and thank us."

"Comes by?" Jack repeated. "Checks in?" Ianto shrugged.

"She decided she wanted to travel before she settled down for good, see the planet a bit before coming back to Cardiff."

"She's settling in Cardiff?" Jack asked, feeling like an idiot for simply parroting everything back at Ianto. "An alien?"

"She's hardly the first one, Jack," Ianto replied amicably.

"Yes, but…but…is she safe?"

Again the smirk. "Oh, she's harmless. Mostly." Ianto glanced up toward the ceiling with a grin. "She has no plans for world domination if that's what you're worried about. She just wants to run a small business when she gets back. Thought traveling a bit would help her understand humans better."

"I see." Jack was slightly speechless, especially since he still couldn't scrub the idea from his mind that this Morwen was some sort of professional escort.

"And she does learn quick. Every time she comes back to Cardiff, she's even better at what she does." Ianto's eyes went a little fuzzy, as if he was back at his appointment that morning experiencing whatever charms this Morwen seemed to hold over Jack's team. Jack didn't like it.

"Better at what?" he demanded. He crossed the room and stepped very close to Ianto. Ianto gazed placidly into Jack's eyes with a small smile, refusing to be intimidated by Jack's nearness.

"All sort of things," he murmured, holding Jack's gaze. It was all driving Jack mad…in an infuriatingly seductive kind of way. He took a deep breath to try to gain back control.

"I really doubt it," Jack replied, bringing his face even closer to Ianto's and then reaching out to nibble at his ear. Still no reaction. Damn. Had Ianto been worn out by his early morning appointment?

"Not shagged out," Ianto said, tilting his head slightly to the left as if reading Jack's mind. "Just relaxed. Peaceful. Almost Zen."

"Tantric orgasms? I can do that," Jack whispered, and he began to kiss his way down Ianto's neck. There was no response, although he thought he noticed a slight increase in Ianto's breathing.

"Is that what you really think, Jack? That we're all having sex with the nice old alien we met while you were gone?" Ianto ducked his head out of Jack's way. He then placed his hand at Jack's chest, pushing against him until Jack was forced backward step by step, finally ending up against his desk, with Ianto leaning forward against him, hip to hip and face to face. Jack's heart was pounding.

"I don't know," he finally answered. "Are you? Because I could totally go for that sort of thing, you know."

Ianto straightened Jack's braces and patted him on the chest before stepping away. Not even a lingering kiss goodbye, and Jack almost groaned at the tease of it. "Of course not. We had each other for that."

"What?" Jack exclaimed. "Ianto—"

Ianto winked before he opened the door and left the office. "I'll let you in on the secret, Jack. You deserve it. You need it. Just meet me up in the office in ten minutes."

And he walked out, leaving Jack completely speechless, slightly breathless, and definitely hard.

* * *

Ianto waited for Jack in the tourist office, enjoying himself immensely. It wasn't everyday that he got to pull the wool over Jack's eyes and have a bit of fun with the man. And really, it had been such a difficult, confusing month since Jack had returned—asking him out on a date, trying to rebuild trust while trying not to move too fast and mostly failing at the latter—that Ianto felt like he deserved it. And after all Jack had been through, he could probably use some good-natured teasing with the reward of getting to see Morwen.

Jack met him upstairs and Ianto led him out, still smiling to himself. He couldn't help it. He felt so relaxed, so loose, so at peace. It was remarkable what Morwen could do. Ianto thought the world could use more aliens like Morwen falling through the Rift, as opposed to the snarling, drooling, sub-intelligent kind they usually ran into. They were all fond of Morwen, and even though Ianto knew Jack was irritated about it, he was also certain Jack would love her once he met her.

They walked to the far end of the Plass, Jack asking questions, Ianto answering them as vaguely as he could. He really did feel better than he'd felt in weeks. It had been hard, losing Jack, and even harder covering for his absence. Once the team had met Morwen, she had helped them cope as much as they had helped her. Yet since Jack's dramatic return, the fragile dynamic between both him and Jack, and Jack and team had struggled to find its footing, to adjust to a new normal again.

Ianto could do that now. He felt clean, clear, ready to move on emotionally even if he had already done so physically. And now he wanted Jack to experience the same, because the time away for Jack had been even worse, from what the man had finally started to share with Ianto. Jack needed this even more than Ianto.

They came to the door of Morwen's small shop on the end of the Quay. Jack sighed in frustration. "Tell me one thing: why the secrecy?"

"More fun that way," Ianto replied with another wink, knowing it would drive Jack mad but in a good way. He rang the bell and waited patiently. The shop was painted a tasteful mauve with beautiful white trim, gingham curtains, and flowers everywhere. If Jack still thought Ianto was taking him to a house of…well, ill repute…then he would definitely be surprised. Or disappointed, knowing Jack.

A dark-skinned, silver-haired woman opened the door, radiating calm. She was wearing irridescent purple robes with her hair pilled high on her head in loose curls. A crystal pendant hung from a silver chain around her neck—turquoise, the color of her deep, soulful eyes. When she smiled at them, it brought out the soft wrinkles around her face, highlighting what must have been a heartbreaking beauty in her youth that was now a stately elegance in old age. She was a bit like the most perfect, beautiful grandmother any of them had ever met.

"Ianto!" she exclaimed. "Back so soon then? Did I miss something, love?" For an alien, she had picked up the local accent quite well.

"No, ma'am," Ianto replied, returning her warm embrace. "I don't think you ever could."

Jack was glancing around the shop with a combination of interest, skepticism, and confusion. Ianto almost laughed at the look on Jack's face. The shop was probably like none he'd ever been in: soft and warm, elegant yet soothing. The sounds of tranquil harp music wafted through the air, mixed with the scent of lavender and vanilla and some exotic herb Ianto found incredibly relaxing and intoxicating at the same time. He loved Morwen's shop: it was like a cocoon of safety from the insanity of the world outside.

Never mind the various artifacts dotted about that Ianto knew perfectly well were alien; they were beautiful and calming in the same way most of the Torchwood artifacts were ugly and dangerous. The universe was such a wondrous place; why did the Rift send them so much shit most of the time?

"Morwen, this is Captain Jack Harkness, fearless leader of Torchwood Three," Ianto introduced the kind old woman to Jack, who stepped forward and centered himself with that dazzling smile he turned on people to get them to either like him or do what he wanted, or sometimes both.

"Pleased to meet you, Morwen," he said, and he kissed her soft, brilliant hand. Ianto rolled his eyes, waiting for it. "Although you must forgive my disadvantage, as Ianto has told me nothing about his beautiful new friend."

Morwen raised an eyebrow. "Jack Harkness. Oh my, have I heard a lot about you."

"None of it good, I hope," Jack winked, and Ianto held back a second eye roll while Morwen let forth a delightful golden laugh.

"Of course not. Time traveler, intergalactic con artist, gregarious flirt, tortured hero—no, nothing good at all, Captain."

Jack looked slightly deflated at that and it was all Ianto could do to not laugh, knowing Jack's reaction.

"Well, at least you know something about me," Jadk finally recovered. "My team has kept their secrets well."

Morwen leaned close and smiled. "That's just Ianto playing his cards close, dear." She winked and turned toward Ianto. "Although I daresay you probably deserve it, Captain, from what I've heard."

Ianto had the good grace to put on a look of contrition he certainly didn't feel, but Morwen saw through it and snorted, patting his cheek like a child. "Don't even pretend, Mr. Jones," she said. "You've played him and enjoyed it."

"Perhaps," said Ianto, with a very unapologetic shrug. "But you're in town, and I do think it's time to come clean. He could probably use your services. He's had a hard time away."

"I sensed it as soon as he walked in," Morwen murmured. "I'm glad you brought him by. But why haven't you told him what I do?"

Now Ianto grinned. "Because he has the wrong idea."

"I know," Morwen said, frowning at Jack. "I can feel it rolling off him in waves." Ianto burst into laughter while Jack tried not to blush defensively, a rare thing indeed. He couldn't help his impression: Ianto and the others had deliberately given Jack almost nothing to go on.

"Oh Captain," said Morwen, waving her had dismissively. "Let it go. I'm not like that, no matter what they let you believe and no matter what you _want_ to believe."

"Then what are you?"

"I'm a refugee, for one," Morwen said, smilling sadly at Ianto. "And your team, particularly Mr. Jones here, were kind enough to find me and help me out during a very difficult time."

"So I heard," murmured Jack. "And what did they help you out with?"

She gestured around her shop. "This for one. Isn't it lovely?"

Jack nodded slowly. "It is. But what do you do here? And where are you from?"

"I'm from Llafwen Four," she said. "Mid 26th century."

"Llafwen Four?" Jack murmured, and his eyes went wide. "But I've been there. If you're Llafwenian, you should have…"

He trailed off as the sides of Morwen's robes rippled to reveal two more elegant arms, and Ianto wished he'd had a camera to photograph Jack's face at that moment. "Four arms. Yes. I'm a quadrumanus."

Jack just stared, probably because he hadn't seen a four-armed alien grandmother in a long time. "How do you hide them?" he finally asked. "I had no idea, saw nothing, sensed nothing, and I've been around."

Morwen shrugged and her two extra appendages tucked themselves away once more. "Psychic dampening. I project a shield so people don't see them. Simple enough."

"Brilliant," Ianto murmured, and Jack nodded in agreement.

"Yes, but you should have seen Ianto's reaction when he saw through it almost immediately," Morwen laughed. "And as none of the others could, they gave him a devilishly hard time about it."

Jack grinned. "I bet they did. And I could only imagine his reaction."

"Please don't remind me," said Ianto with an exaggerated sigh. "It was rather inappropriate, I admit." Actually, he had been certain that he'd been drugged somehow, particularly when the others had been completely unable to see the extra appendages and had proceeded to take the piss out of him to no end…until Morwen had released her shields and stopped them dead in their tracks. Another moment he wished he'd had a camera for.

"Now, are you ready then, Captain?"

And Jack was instantly back on the defensive. "Depends on what we're talking about here."

"You still haven't figured it out?" she asked curiously.

"I've got a lot of guesses, but I'm thinking they're all wrong," Jack replied.

"Hmm," said Morwen, walking around him. "Take your coat off first. I can't see what I need to do with that clunky cut of ugly sheep's wool wrapped around you like you're hiding something."

Even Ianto's mouth dropped a bit, as he happened to like the coat. Jack gave him a look that was half offended, half nervous, but took the coat off and looked around to drop it on a nearby sofa before Ianto grabbed it and hung it up by the door. Morwen continued to study Jack, and Ianto loved watching him stand there as if exposed. Because in truth, in front of Morwen, everyone was. Even fully dressed.

"Yes, yes…I see…" Morwen murmured to herself before stepping up and taking hold of Jack's braces. Jack gave Ianto a wide-eyed look over her head; Ianto ducked his face away to hide his laughter.

The braces came down, and Morwen placed a hand over Jack's heart. "There we go," she murmured. "The real you. Interesting."

"All right," said Jack, stepping back. "Is this a psychic reading or—"

"A seduction?" she asked, eyes twinkling. "Neither. Ianto, will you be staying? I'd say it'll take about two hours."

"No, I wasn't planning on it," Ianto said with a smile. "He'll be all right on his own."

"Ianto," Jack said, following him toward the door. "What's going on? You're just going to leave me here with a four-armed alien I just met?"

Ianto gave him a dry look. "Really, Jack. I'm sure you've encountered far more exotic species before, haven't you?"

"Well, yes but—"

"Extra arms, extra legs, extra heads." Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I even remember something about tentacles."

"There were, but—"

"But what, Jack?" asked Ianto as innocently as possible. "You're not nervous, are you?"

"No," Jack replied a bit too quickly.

"Then what's the problem? Go with her. She's good."

"That's the problem," Jack murmured, stepping up to Ianto and pulling him into an embrace where he could whisper into Ianto's ear.

"I don't want to go with her. I want to be with you. Being handed off is…weird."

And that was when Ianto Jones knew he had won, in more ways than one. He grinned into Jack's ear, stretching it out as much as he could.

"What makes you think I'm handing you off?" he whispered, palming Jack's pants and enjoying the reaction.

"You're not staying to join us," said Jack. "I mean, it's just not right, you turning me over to a…a…"

"A what?" God, Ianto was enjoying this so much he almost wanted to take Jack back to the Hub, have him there, and then bring him back to Morwen. As it was, he'd have to wait two hours, and then just hope Jack wasn't a puddle when he made it back to work.

"Ianto," said Jack, stepping back and looking very seriously into Ianto's eyes. "I don't want a call girl. Even a four-armed psychic alien who's apparently satisfied my entire team to no end. I just want you."

Ianto was speechless. It was not the reaction he had expected, not even remotely the reason he had brought Jack there, to wring a confession from him. But it was perfect none-the-less, and he couldn't help but take Jack's face and kiss him passionately right there. He felt Jack relax against him, as if he was relieved to be leaving, but then Ianto broke the kiss and gently turned him around.

"She's a masseuse," he spoke softly in Jack's ear. "And I guarantee you are about to get the best massage you've had in your entire long life. Probably the best in the entire galaxy." Jack gave him a shocked look. "And then you can come back to me, and I'll be waiting to finish whatever you were expecting here." He grinned, and Jack sputtered just as he had earlier.

"She's a…wait, you set up an alien as a…I thought you were taking me to a…is it really that good?" he managed to finish with.

Ianto pushed him forward. "Even better. Enjoy your time with her, Jack. Morwen is out of this world."

"Very funny, Mr. Jones!" called the old woman from where she was lighting candles around the shop. "He's a dry one, your Ianto," she said to Jack. "And quite good at what he does."

Ianto bowed and left the shop then, but as he walked out he heard Jack laugh and paused at the door to listen to the response. "You have no idea, ma'am."

"I have some, Captain," Morwen replied. "He's quite special."

"I know," Jack said softly. Ianto smiled to himself.

"I hope so. He thinks the world of you, in spite of everything you've said and done to him."

Ianto could imagine Jack flinching at that. "I know that too, and I'm sorry. But he's everything to me right now. I need him." That was a surprise. Ianto kept listening and pushed aside the guilt at eavesdropping on such a private, intimate confession that Jack was obviously not ready to share.

"Then try showing it, Captain, because I don't think he really knows."

A long pause. "It's hard. It's confusing. It's complicated."

"It's love and companionship, Captain," said Morwen, sounding reproachful. "Don't be afraid to lose something just because it might hurt. Hold it close to your heart because it feels good and right."

There was no response, and Ianto wondered whether Jack was nodding in agreement or regretting his words. Morwen was wise, though, and perhaps if Jack didn't take her advice, Ianto would. One day, when they were both ready.

The moment was broken when he heard:

"Take your clothes off, Captain. It's time to relax. And then you can go back to Ianto and make sure he knows what you just told me."

Ianto finally turned and left the shop, a small smile on his face, feeling even better than when he had left Morwen earlier that morning. He certainly hadn't planned on hearing any such confession from Jack, but now that he had, the remarkable feeling of peace he had experienced earlier was that much stronger, intertwined with a warm fondness for the man he had just left as well his first genuine hope for the future.

And he couldn't wait for Jack's appointment to be over, because Ianto had a feeling they might have to take an extra-long lunch break, preferably back at his flat in the privacy of his bedroom.

* * *

Author's Note

So this is how my brain works now: I think or do something, and then try to translate it to the Whoniverse. I was thinking I wanted a massage last week, which made me wonder about the team getting a massage, and then suddenly this story wrote itself. Really, I wanted something fun and a bit fluffy for Ianto's birthday, even though it's not actually set on his birthday or has anything to do with his birthday. That would be the more dramatic and difficult chaptered fic I'm working on. But breaks are good. And so are alien massages. Enjoy, and happy birthday to one of my favorite fictional characters!


End file.
